Robotniks the name
by black dagger
Summary: The original 3 chapters and an entirely new, never before seen chapter. Robotnik's day to day thoughts on everything from dieting to love...
1. Robotnik 1

**_Robotnik's the name_**

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Dear Diary

Why must I be teased in everything I do? This name the people have for me is embarrassing. Eggman indeed. Why oh why must they taunt me? I have a rare disease called eatalitus. I can't help eating or being an evil mastermind.

There are only 2 things to do, eat right and Go to the Gym every day. Yes, I'll show that poxy hedgehog how Dr Robotnik Gets into shape

**Day 1**

Dear Diary

First day at the Gym went wrong. I broke several things and now a bird is sending me a bill. It's the first thing a bird has sent me and I'm going to try and treasure it. However, the running machine broke as I stepped on it. When I tried to explain that fighting off blue hedgehogs took up a lot of my energy, she told me to get out and get a life. She also gave me a card for alcoholics anonymous. She said I should go because they'll help get rid off the blue hedgehog, which has tormented me since along time ago at least.

When I asked the nice lady what alcoholics anonymous could do to stop the hedgehog she told me they'd stop me drinking, which rather offended me because I only have 10 or 11 bottle of beer a night, I'm hardly an alcoholic, for a start I don't like spirits.

I had my first salad today, I was almost sick over my prized chicken simulator. I decided to make salad an enemy in the game I'm making 'Robotnic the evil genius'.

**Day 2**

Dear Diary,

I paid off the bill and asked the lady if she'd like to come out to dinner tonight. She said something very rude followed by the word off. My love for her burnt stronger then ever and I had to think about exercise to keep me from kissing her. By the time I'd gone to the rowing machine I was tired. I'd walked 1 metre and a half and I felt my salad come back up.

I think I've already lost wait, I got into one of my red shirts that I haven't got into in years. And some black trousers, which I just love and haven't been able to wear, I got into too. Sadly this snazzy clothing had gone out of fasion and I had to go back to my usual get up.

My first meeting at alcoholic's anonymous and all they had to eat was biscuits and salad. A weird mix, I brought a bottle of wine to share with my new friends but it just made them angry. One person through a biscuit at me and I was so depressed that I had to go and eat a whole turkey.

That pesky hedgehog stole my game today, it was edited and now it's HIS game. 'Sonic the hedgehog', his name isn't even sonic, he just said it is to look cool. Wait until the public find out that his full name is Rabbi. Sonya Hedgkofski. A rabbi Turned super hero? And he did it by stealing my game, which I created!! I hate him…full stop!

**Day 3**

Dear Diary

I got the report for how many of the sonic games were sold, and the number was a lot. Apparently they're already working on a sequel, which is good cause I've completed the first, I didn't lose one life. I'm glad to see my evil creatures were still around, although the new boss is UGLY. He should shave once in a while…hippy. And that thing he floats around in wouldn't work.

The gym was closed to day, I stood knocking at the door for a while, just in case someone saw my sad, handsome face and opened the door. I got home and as I got in I almost fainted; it's hard work getting in AND out of my car.

I got on the scales today and they DIDN'T break, which means I've lost weight. I haven't been able to eat anything since that salad so that may explain it. I'll eat again tommorow

_Authors note: If you can't get to chapter 2 or 3 (for some reason the chapter selector hasn't come up for me) then replace the /1/ in the bar at the top for /2/ or /3/_


	2. Robonik 2

**Day 4**

Dear Diary

Today was the best day of my life. I forgot about the diet and just went about my usual business. Writing at length about what I've done today, of course sometimes I have to lie to make it sound better. So I went to the gym and the woman I love came over and did something to me that all the men in the world would have been proud of me for. She punched me, right in the eye. When we do eventually get married maybe some sort of cage is in order? I told her that

"No matter how crazy you are, I will stick by you because you're the woman I love. If that means wasting my whole life throwing things at you and trying to push food through the bars of your cage, then so be it."

She asked me what the hell I was talking about, and then she told me I look like the boss out of that "Awesome" sonic game. I shuddered at the thought. Not only was my love crazy and evil, now she was blind as well.

Second alcoholics anonymous meeting, it was…interesting. The team leader got drunk and started to play the harmonica, which got everyone into a jolly mood. Playing the green hill theme got everyone dancing, even me who has two left feet, literally, the good rabbi (see earlier) used to be a nippy little bugger. I had to surgically remove my foot so that I could graft another on. (You don't know how hard it is to surgically remove your own foot)

**Day 5**

Dear Diary

I got to test-play the new sonic game today. The ugly guy returned, and the little blue one could run faster and there were more things to fight. I, of course, completed it first. The graphics were terrible but I was informed that these would get better over time. There was an argument about whether to make the rabbi's Christian friend, Paul AKA tails. This is getting beyond a joke. What is it? A game where people of all races, genders and religion can beat up me…I mean the evil ugly guy? It's just not fair. I had a game once…

I went to the gym and got on the running machine, I don't mind telling you, on this secret, private, online, public diary that just pressing the button got me tired, when the machine fired up I was ready to rest and have a sandwich. The lady at the gym was extremely helpful. She got out a whip and started to make me run. By the time the whip hit me I'd been running for 3 seconds. I had beaten my old record of 0.000002 seconds. I was doing something right!!

Eating is always a problem when you are on a diet; lack of it is usually what gets to most people. But I am strong, this evening for instance I eat only a small lamb, and a chicken, chips, ice cream and lobster, and to wash it down I had seven coca colas. I decided I'd take the ultimate in dieting techniques! I bought weight watchers milkshake. I figured that in this day and age there was nothing to be ashamed of. I asked the guy at the store about what was special about it.

"Has it some kind of insect which eats away your fat?" I asked

"No sir, it has some sort of tablet in it, which levels out your carbohydrates and everything and that makes you thinner, didn't you even know that?"

"What do I look like some sort of doctor?" I snapped at him

"As if I care you stupid fat git," muttered the shop assistant, who I melted with my ray gun (I made it out of a microwave, if you smell hard enough then you can still smell the frozen food I used to cook in it)

After I'd dealt with the police I sat down and drank my milkshake, it tasted like something the cat had brought up. And I should know, during my child hood I did some CRAZY experiments. I decided to go out for a coffee but there was only a starbucks down my street and I couldn't walk anywhere to get a real coffee. I decided to stay in and I watched my favourite movie of all time, Austin powers: gold member, I feel that I have something in common with all the bad guys played by Mike Myers.

**_Day 6_**

Dear Diary

I won't be writing much this evening as I have a date. Not with the woman of my dreams but with a little pink hedgehog called Amy. Oh lucky me. She is one of these teenagers who would follow the rabbi to the ends of the earth. I will tell you how it goes tomorrow

Sonic 2 was officially out today, it's funny how quick games can be made. I finished it as both Sonic and Tails, the game was similar with both characters, in fact, I'd go as far as to say they were exactly the same. It's the designers; they have no brain cells between them. And they are the most boring creatures alive, I once sat and watched them for 20 hours and they did NOTHING at all!!

I went jogging today, if the policemen hadn't have been on the beat no-one would have ever found me!!

Your, in love with two girls (ones a hedgehog)

Dr Robotnik


	3. robotnik 3

**Day 7**

WOW! When I say wow I either MEAN wow or am heavily drunk. It's a little bit of both now. That girl is amazing, the hedgehog girl, what ever she is! She is funny, bright, funny, and she can handle her booze. I told her about the diet I was on, about how Sonics real name is Sonya Hedgkofski, and how nobody seems to understand me. "Yes, ok so I tried to take over the world a few times, but everyone does that don't they? Its basically normal in America." She patted my hand and said

"I understand you Elain Ranscum, you might look uncannily like the boss in the sonic games, but I think I'm getting to like you"

"Really?" I said, not informing her that she's pronounced my first name wrong…Elain is a silly name; I have a good name, Helain!

I'm seeing Amy again at the end of the week, almost nothing embarrassing happened, except the waiter had an argument with the cook because the cook kept flicking peas at us, I must admit, when the book had given it five stars I'd expected something a little more than a table outside and a plate of the "spaghetti special" to share with my loved one. It got slightly embarrassing when we both started eating the same bit of the disgusting item, I sucked and she sucked until we head butted each other and she had to go to hospital. Not a great ending to the night but not as bad as it could have been.

I saw my other loved one today, I had to explain how I'd found another girl, and alas t'was not to be. She didn't seem effected by this news, but I knew what a strong woman she was and that her brave face only masked a roller coaster of emotion. I handed her the keys to her cage, and said that it was hers to keep. She through them in my face, this upset me, it was a gift and she hadn't excepted it

"Can we still be friends?" I asked hopefully

"NO! We weren't ever friends, its just some wacky story you've made up in your head. You scare me, you come in here, with all your weight and you break everything, and then you come and act all weak like a little child, well it doesn't impress me. Go on, get out your barred"

I started to cry and walked out, had our relationship meant nothing? No, to her it was just a week of her life, to me; it was a one of, and special occasion.

**Day 8**

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**Day 9**

Ok, I didn't write yesterday because I was in hospital. I went to the gym, hoping for reconciliation with my loved one, sadly, her boyfriend was there. He was 8-foot tall and had metal rings in every part of his body that I could see, and probably in what I couldn't see (and I was glad I couldn't see it).

"Hey maddog, that's the guy who keeps pestering me!"

"That guy? Ok I'll kick his head in" It wasn't exactly like this, there was more swearing, but in the attempt to keep this diary at a PG level I must cut them out.

Anyway, I was in the hospital till this morning. I put up a good fight and I gave as good as I got, he was on the floor when they carried out on a stretcher anyway. The policemen informed me that he was trying to set fire to me while I was down.

I came back and checked the mail. The new test for Sonic 3, I wasn't surprised that it was exactly the same as sonic 2 except the background was different. This one brought in an echidna called Norman. He is the most boring person on earth, but he got the best part in the game. Apparently I…the bad guy tricked him into finding diamonds or emeralds or some nonsense.

I was depressed, the woman who I thought loved me, had another boyfriend, who was a nasty piece of work as well. Oh well, I had Amy. The little pink hedgehog. It was going to be a long and lonely lifetime I could see that.

I went to alcoholics anonymous today and said I wouldn't be going again. All my friends said goodbye and gave me a hug, and we all had a few 100 glasses of wine between us. Walking out drunk I bid farewell to them once again and walked home. I actually walked home, the days on the diet, and the loss of blood yesterday had made me loose weight. I had a second chance. I was ALIVE again.

Day 10

Well today was one of the best days in history. I woke up went into the kitchen and there were to people in black suits sitting waiting for me. As I walked in they stood up

"Dr Helain "Robotnik" Ranscum?"

"Yes" I answered, I could see what was coming, these were hired assassins, and I was going to die

"We represent Sonic the hedgehog industries, and we're running out of ideas, since it was you who first designed the game we want you to join"

I was of course shocked. The Rabbi wanted me to work for him? I accepted and eat my cornflakes. The sun shone through the window and my couch set on fire, a minor blip in a, already, great day.

I walked down past the gym wearing my new suit. IT FITTED ME!! Nothing had ever fit me before. I looked stylish, I'm sure the women in the street were turning just to look at me. Incidentally I walked down the street next to Johnny Depp today, how's that for luck?

As I walked past the gym, my ex-love ran out crying. I tried to comfort her but it didn't work, especially when I said

"Hell your lucky. Look at the worms, they have to eat dead people."

She started crying and ran off, there's just no comforting some people.

After the first day working at STH industries I realised how much fun it was. I sat in a big room with 3 other men and talked about ideas for the next game. We came up with a pinball type game and a game called 'sonic and knuckles' which I think will be a BIG success.

At the meal with Amy she proposed to me. I was amazed. I spilt wine in my potato. I was about to say yes when the women from the gym ran in,

"I want you robotnik" She said, Amy nearly burst into tears. I could see that this was going to be a hard decision

Nobody can unbuild what I have started, 2 people love me and nobody can change it! What I have done, designed a world famous game and had 2 people love me at the same time, can never be changed, and will go down in the history books, forever!!

"Don't decide the outcome of other lives, until you can decide your own" 

I think this quote best sums up my predicament, I can't take over the world until I can choose a girl who's right for me…and that's all that matters!!!

**The end**

Authors note 

This was the end of the original 3 pages of diaries. When I get around to it I'll write the next 3 as a continuation on this.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry about the eternity between this section of the story and the last and i hope this lives up to whats expected by any people who liked the original._

**Day 1**

Hello merry reader. This is the second of my Diaries showing my life. If you remember the last entry you will recall the little dilemma I got myself into. Both Amy the hedgehog and the women from the Gym wanted me. And I wanted them, but I have no desire to move to the amazon so that I could legally marry them both.

I had to pick one.

And at the time you read this, 6 months on, I have still come no closer to the answer.

I am still working at "Sonic the hedgehog" industries and am probably never going to leave. It is the greatest thing I have ever done.

Sonic and Knuckles is 6 months into development (it used to take days to make the new games. I completely revamped this new one…). The little echidna from Sonic 3 is making a come back as a playable character. He can fly.

Amazingly people are already sending me letters begging for this game to come out. It's a shame I can't work quicker as my fans deserve this.

I gave up on my diet after my female problems. That is…my problems with females…not problems of a female. I want to make it clear right now that I have never have female problems and doubt very much I ever will.

So, this morning I awoke to a light snack, 2 roast turkeys and a cup of vindaloo. I dressed in my smartest gear, my little red and black number, and headed out to work.

"Hey, it's the R Man" my best friend, Sneaky Phillips, said as I walked in.

Sneaky is a nice enough guy who suffers from a deadly disease known as M.G.S syndrome. He randomly pushes himself against a wall and shoots anyone who gets near to him so he can bring down the terrorists from the inside. Doctors have tried to heal him using drugs, psychotherapy and a whole other range of medical procedures. I just don't know why they don't take the gun off him.

So, anyway…I said hello back, smiling, as you do and I sat down on my already broken chair.

I ought to clear this up. I didn't break the chair. It was already broken. Horribly broken. I just happened to sit on it and it broke more. Ok?

So, I was working on Sonic and Knuckles when I noticed something: A rather scruffily written note on an old piece of cardboard.

"Dear Helain, I love you, meet me at the restaurant in dark street at 7 pm, love you, Amy"

I hate these dates now. The women from the gym makes no secret in following me. Even as I write this, she is watching me from behind the tree opposite my window. I wave to her. She waves back. It would be more effective if she were hiding behind a proper tree rather then the bonsai one my aunt sent me from florida…

The date went well, other then the fact I love the food at these places. They must put the prices up in all fine eateries when they see me coming. I paid $120 dollars for something called a Big Mac Meal. Very good meal, apart from the actual big mac…and the fries…I did quite like the milk shake though, the amount of urine was at a minimum…

Day 2 

"I had a game once... It got stolen."

Thank you to the nice person who brought to my attention that in the revised edition of my original Diaries, this was missed out. The idiot who edited it won't be working in this town again for being a moron.

Maybe he'll even move up in the world, from Old book editor to Starbucks manager.

Anyway, today has been terrible. It was lunch break, the 2 and a half hours between solitaire and Ebay. I needed to pop to the little boys room and what do you think I saw when I got there? Scribbled in permanent marker

"Eggman is fat like a dog"

I read it 3 or 4 times until I worked out what it meant. This upset me a lot and effected me strangely. I have never really been bothered about my weight when people call me Robotnik, its only ever been when someone calls me Eggman that my morale slips to zero and I cringe at the thought of looking in my mirror. (From a distance of course. I don't fit in the entire mirror when I am close…)

So this is it. Diet number 2. I am of the group that says people are fine the way they are and its what's inside that counts.

Sadly, what's inside has started to bloat and has now fused with the outside to make me look like this.

Tomorrow I would start Diet 2. Tonight I am going to go for a banquet at mcdonalds.

On top of the fat guy remark I almost got sacked today.

Sneaky was in MGS mode and jumped out on an unsuspecting little Pink Hedgehog, nearly killing her with his massive gun.

"Freeze!" he shouted in a silly, gruff macho voice.

It was of course Amy and I jumped to her rescue.

2 hours later I was in the office, with sonic and Mr Sega shouting at me.

"Don't you realise he has a disease!" Sega was screaming at me.

"Yes sir" I smiled slightly "But he was trying to kill my friend."

"But…he's diseased so its ok…"

"She'd be dead if it weren't for me…"

"I understand that, Mr…Ranscum, but Mr Phillips is a diseased man. We took him on so he could mix with people he couldn't usually mix with. A few deaths in the work place can't ALL be linked to him."

"But sir…"

"That's enough Ranscum, we have a new employee starting this week and you are not helping by picking on a diseased man. Get out of my site. If you do this again you are fired."

I left work today annoyed, upset, depressed and hungry.

I headed towards mcdonalds, my new favourite restaurant, and ordered everything on the menu. I was gonna make this a meal to be proud of.

5 and a half hours later, I stumbled out incredibly poorer…


End file.
